Career Intervention Reflection Paper

P.S. Not so interesting. :) You can back out as soon as now. 

Belen, Ma. Clarissa M.

10937536

College of Science

BS Human Biology

PERSEF2 N03

Career Intervention Reflection Paper

            Aware as I may become that the professional world is opening its doors slowly for us students, still I sometimes despise the idea of having to face this new beginning. I am a human biology student who’s currently applying for shifting to psychology. I want to be a doctor. I wanted to, let me clarify. And as of now I am confused. Having failed two subjects already and the fear of not having enough financial capability to sustain the supposed medical degree discouraged me to go on. And aside from that, I realized that I am not yet ready to give up the other things that I want in life. Such as learning a new language, blogging, watching plays and reading novels. My current course is demanding. It requires a lot of time and effort. It requires you full time. Clearly, I know what I want now. I want to pursue a course which will not have me put the other things aside—the other things which to me seems more important. And since I’ve been to human biology, my decision now is psychology because it would credit lots of subject I already had. Maybe I can work in the human resource field and pursue a medical degree sooner or later. I have a simple dream. To work and be stable on my own by whatever means that will make me happy. Medicine is not out of consideration though. I just don’t want it now yet. But it will always be the greatest of my greatest dreams.

          This career workshop did not just gave me the opportunity to grasp a greater view of the corporate world which is a lot different from the medical field but also made me imagine myself as someone who works in an office and made me think I am making a good decision. My favorite part there was when the facilitator taught us how to behave and answer well in an interview. It’s so enlightening because you get to know what to say and when to say it. And I always loved tips. It made me realize that in order to be someone worthy of a job, you have to be competitive and always believe in the best that you can do.

Beyond what's real

I was in 2nd year high school when I first felt that thing they call love. That special kind of love between two people. I was young. I never knew yet what's there in the real world. Way back then when I was still confined in the walls and corners of home and school in that small town, I met the first guy who taught me how that thing feels like. I was drowning in love and more than willing to give anything. We've been together in that short span of time which seemed forever. I was young and impulsive and unfortunately had no strength to end it up even if I know that it won't work in the end. But it all came, and he broke up... no, he left me floating in the air. Months after I had a brand new relationship with this another guy who gave me all the love and care the previous one failed to give. The relationship was more open. We always spend time together after classes. He'll buy me ice cream. We'll eat together. He'll call me and text me and bring me to movies. We'll buy something for school and he'll ask me which item is better. I'll help him with assignments. He'll crack jokes, we'll laugh together. He's always honest and I loved him. He loved me too, I believe. He was the first guy who gave me that unforgettable hug. It was long and sincere. The feeling was so light and I didn't want that to end. Three months after, it did. I was in junior year. After having that last good cry, I promised myself not to commit in a relationship yet again. It was a new beginning. We've lost communication. I met new friends and graduated and got in to college. A lot of things happened to me. I continued life as one normally would. And now here I am. Longing for someone again. After three long years. No matter how much I try not to regret those things, I can't help but to, sometimes. I often think that maybe, just maybe if I didn't had them, I'd be peaceful. I wouldn't know about those things. I wouldn't miss that feeling of having someone you can share your whole life with. Oh well, everything happens for a reason. Maybe God had a reason why He gave him to me. Perhaps because it would let me grow up and learn. Dude, I was young! No. I AM YOUNG. :)

Now why I said all that is because yes, I like someone. I'm longing for that someone and it's getting hard to convince myself not to. He's the guy I've been talking about. He's the reason why I blogged all these. I do not know what is it that made me reminisce what has happened before him. It was him who make me inspect myself again. I was staring at his facebook photo just before I wrote this. The stare was longer and unusual and my heart felt numb for that long while. I've lost my mind. I do not know where this will lead me. But right now, I am scared. Scared and uncertain of myself.

Where do I go from here?

Music: Darkness Falls - Aetherborn


Hey there! It's been a while. School has started. And as for me, it started differently. I had to take some other subjects and get separated from the block. From my friends. But that's pretty much fine that I get to know other people. It really needs patience. Coz I have this class where I barely know anyone and during group activities I'm always like "can you guys just speak up?" But anyway, enough of the awkwardness. I had to retake Organic Chemistry and surprisingly, my crush is on the same class. During the first day, the class was noisy and he kind of turned out to be a Mr. Popular coz everytime the teacher calls for a volunteer to go on the board and answer some questions, the girls would shout his name as if trying to convince him or the teacher that he'll do it. He seated beside me with someone I know who happens to be a close friend of him. I was startled. But really really happy. The second meeting he seated beside me again. :)
I am shifting to Psychology and I think this would be final. I've been to the counselor a while ago to consult about this decision and it just turned out fine. Though I think there was a little bias in her part coz she's a psych major so she seemed really advertising the course and encouraging me to go on. But anyway, I think I made up my mind. I'll tell my parents soon! Goodluck to me! :)

More than anyone else and even myself, I know that it is you that I am disappointing. And more than any feeling in the world, it is never easy to see you tired, worried and hurt. What's harder is when I know that despite your efforts, still I didn't manage to give you the supposed results that a good person should earn, at least. I never wanted to imagine myself ruining my every dream just because I failed once. But the thing is, I failed twice. Much has been said yet I know that words can never be enough. I know that even if you say it's okay, or when you say just do better next time there's still that something that would upset you and make you think what has been wrong. I always want to see you happy, because you deserve to be. And it is my responsibility to make sure that as much as possible, it will not be taken away from you. I know that the things that I can do the least will be of much higher value when you see it in your eyes. Forgive me because all I can give you is this.
We never talked of serious matters. We're not used to. And it will never be so easy to change how things used to be. We talk of random, funny, stereotypical, nonsense, sometimes rubbish things. But I am always glad that you never failed to blend in your hidden advices and sensible thoughts and colorful experiences in our every conversation whenever we spend sometime together. I will forever be grateful that God gave you to me. You'll be my priceless treasures and no matter how seldom or often I tell you this, I will never be tired. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you because you always make me not feel bad about it. Thank you because you always understand. Thank you because you love me. And I love you more than one could ever imagine.

Eat Love Pray :)

It is a universal truth that life is not easy. We are born, we study, we work and we die. As much as I want to avoid sounding cliche, I just can't help but to say it again. It's not the destination that matters but the journey you've gone through to reach it. In 17 years of this journey, I've been through a lot of things which made me who I am today. Just like any other. Things change. Hence, life's growing complexity. We meet people. Be friends with them or not. Among those friends you make, you lose sooner or later. We make mistakes. We learn from them or commit them once again. We make promises to people, and to ourselves sometimes. Do it or break it. Or better yet, don't make a promise in the first place. We've got insecurities. Either overcome them or let them eat up our whole being. We've got needs and wants. We dream. We make these dreams come true. We work, we strive hard. We fail and try again. We succeed and aim for the better. We make decisions in the process and more often than not, we have always had to stick to the consequences of these moves. Or know when to deviate and take another path. We laugh and cry. We love, we hurt, we learn to fight and we learn to forget. Apparently, these are life's seemingly simple rules. And I do not know why I said all that.

I changed my mind. This is a sad blog now. Or not. Maybe. But I failed BIOORG2 again.