Beyond what's real

I was in 2nd year high school when I first felt that thing they call love. That special kind of love between two people. I was young. I never knew yet what's there in the real world. Way back then when I was still confined in the walls and corners of home and school in that small town, I met the first guy who taught me how that thing feels like. I was drowning in love and more than willing to give anything. We've been together in that short span of time which seemed forever. I was young and impulsive and unfortunately had no strength to end it up even if I know that it won't work in the end. But it all came, and he broke up... no, he left me floating in the air. Months after I had a brand new relationship with this another guy who gave me all the love and care the previous one failed to give. The relationship was more open. We always spend time together after classes. He'll buy me ice cream. We'll eat together. He'll call me and text me and bring me to movies. We'll buy something for school and he'll ask me which item is better. I'll help him with assignments. He'll crack jokes, we'll laugh together. He's always honest and I loved him. He loved me too, I believe. He was the first guy who gave me that unforgettable hug. It was long and sincere. The feeling was so light and I didn't want that to end. Three months after, it did. I was in junior year. After having that last good cry, I promised myself not to commit in a relationship yet again. It was a new beginning. We've lost communication. I met new friends and graduated and got in to college. A lot of things happened to me. I continued life as one normally would. And now here I am. Longing for someone again. After three long years. No matter how much I try not to regret those things, I can't help but to, sometimes. I often think that maybe, just maybe if I didn't had them, I'd be peaceful. I wouldn't know about those things. I wouldn't miss that feeling of having someone you can share your whole life with. Oh well, everything happens for a reason. Maybe God had a reason why He gave him to me. Perhaps because it would let me grow up and learn. Dude, I was young! No. I AM YOUNG. :)

Now why I said all that is because yes, I like someone. I'm longing for that someone and it's getting hard to convince myself not to. He's the guy I've been talking about. He's the reason why I blogged all these. I do not know what is it that made me reminisce what has happened before him. It was him who make me inspect myself again. I was staring at his facebook photo just before I wrote this. The stare was longer and unusual and my heart felt numb for that long while. I've lost my mind. I do not know where this will lead me. But right now, I am scared. Scared and uncertain of myself.