Not wishing upon a star

I think shooting stars are semblances of life. The people we once had, the good times shared with them, the bad times, our mistakes and everything else in between. They come and go. And maybe that's the greatest lesson I've learned this year--that nothing lasts forever. So now, having had learned that the hard way, I'd like to celebrate the beauty in it. Of things constantly changing. Of people losing their grips. Of heartbreaks and goodbyes. Of brand new relationships with strangers or friends who turned into strangers. Of newly found love. Of freedom to speak or remain silent. I opt to believe that for things to fall in place, this is what it takes. Change. It's a beautiful thing nevertheless. Very much like merely watching the shooting stars after much has been said.

On Desire: Why We Want What We Want

Little is needed to make a wise man happy, but nothing can content a fool. That is why nearly all men are miserable.

—La Rochefoucauld

I am currently reading an e-book entitled On Desire by William Irvine. So I spent the whole holy week feeling miserable. And I couldn't figure out, no matter how much I've tried, what's the exact reason behind this feeling. Though honestly, I already have a hint. And being the person that I am (with this I may mean pretentious), I feel like I'm forever trapped in a world of make believe.

Turning back on denial

She was there sitting in front of people she knew ever since she went to college. She was there. She was there, and her mind astray. Hiding in between her laughs, there were murmurs of self-doubt. Times like this, she hates herself for reasons you would not imagine.
"In front of me are the really beautiful people I've known all my life."
Talks over rice bowls and iced tea. Laughs about each other's flaws, corny jokes and intentionally horrible voices. Meaningless stares, sincere opinions, and plain thoughts.
There is a little idea that takes over a huge spot of her personality. It eats her. And invades her identity. 
"I didn't want to feel this way. But it is here now, and this is all my fault."
Since a few days ago she's been trying to revert back to the old ways. To reverse the reaction she herself induced. Yet it seems now that it just doesn't work that way. As much as she did not want to believe, the whole process presents itself as irreversible.

Just thought this could be interesting :)

"Man has been called by the ancients a lesser world, and indeed, the term is rightly applied, seeing that man is compounded of earth, water, air and fire, this body of the earth is the same. And as man has within himself bones as a stay and framework for the flesh, so the world has the rocks which are the supports of the earth; and as man has within him a pool of blood wherein the lungs as he breathes expand and contract, so the body of the earth has its ocean, which also rises and falls every six hours with the breathing of the world. As from the said pool of blood proceed the veins which spread their branches through the human body, in just the same way the ocean fills the body of the earth with an infinite number of veins of water."
- Leonardo da Vinci, as an anatomist

Postlapsaria

Maybe I'm just one of the ordinary students you get to see in school. Or maybe not. We didn't really know each other personally, but let me just thank you and thank God for bringing you into our lives. You are such a great teacher and I'm sure everybody knows that. A great friend perhaps. A person of a great mind. It's true that we don't realize one's value unless it's gone. To me, people sound so hypocrite telling you how good you've been, thanking you for everything, saying how much they love you. I wonder why just now, why only when you're gone already and everything seems untimely. But this time I opt to be one of these hypocrites, in hopes of letting you know and making you feel how much impact you've left to me personally. For the last time even if it's too late. CELLBIO has been a tough subject. I'm mediocre and oftentimes unable to get concepts in an instant. I got a passing mark on our first exam and that's enough for me I have to admit. In your class, for the first time I was able to endure the hours without having to stop taking down notes, which was unusual when it comes to my other subjects. Maybe what's left to me of you are the complete notes I was able to accomplish on those times that you were in front, teaching your heart out. I don't know Sir, everything turned gloomy. I felt sad. I realized how short is life. I don't know what to say. It was so fast. But who am I to question this? Let me just say thank you Sir. This is my sincerest gratitude for that short time you've been there. I'll meet you someday in heaven.

When I fall in love again

Reminds me of the days when I'm gonna have to force myself to sleep (just because you know it's just nakakasenti) as the radio plays this song. It's so high school but never gets old. Perfect when you feel like going emo lol. I love this.

Sleep is priceless

1. I woke up this morning feeling so unaccomplished. The approaching deadline of the supposed review of related literature (no shorter way to put it) of the thesis proposal and the good scent of unflipped pages of my cell biology book failed to convince me to wake up at 6, be at school at 7 (to study coz I can't study at home or I choose not to), go to mom at 11 and submit the journal by lunch time. The plan is ruined once again, ladies and gentlemen.

2. Today is the LEAP (Lasallian Enrichment Alternative Program) day when students get to attend alternative classes in lieu of the regular ones. It's ironic in my case that La Salle's annual university week comes with an even more laborious set of things to do. Nevertheless, I feel so lucky that I had tried yoga today for the first time for my alternative class. And everything was wonderful again!

3. I stayed in school after the yoga class, from 4 to 9 to study. For that matter, congratulate me please.

4. I was having diarrhea the whole day! It must be the nuts from last night. (Coz nobody gave me chocolates. Chos!) So before getting myself on to this keyboard it has been, on the least approximate, my 10th time of having to go to the restroom and release all... those... watery stuff.  Ick!

The object of surprise

It has been more than a month since my last term in school has started and already it's making me feel that there's no more turning back. I am currently working on a thesis proposal and despite the fact that I will no longer have any semblance of life, fun whatsoever once this phase is over, I'm looking forward to finally be one more step towards the star... at least for now. This week is going to be hell of a fight. Of course I convince myself to seem more excited than how I sound now lol

Apparently I'm sick of having swings of insights. At times I'm imbued with deep motivations and unluckily they as often change to something lethargic. It's a cycle. And also, it's strange that I rarely dream. In a literal sense.

Unfinished

A huge smile is drawn on Mang Jun's face as he walks down the street corner where the jeep he's been driving for 9 years now is garaged. It's 5:30 in the afternoon and the daylight is nearly fading. The sky is orange and covered by thick atmosphere layers of dust and pollution. He took a deep breath as if everything is nice and new. Happy go lucky in nature, Mang Jun whistles to the sound of occasional air as he burped out and smell the fresh scent of tinola his wife Aling Linda cooked for early dinner. Mang Jun came from the province of Bukidnon.

I eat words for breakfast

Hi it's been a little while. I am back again to the wonders of renting a computer. My laptop's charger is dead again and I totally hate the feeling of having to borrow my sister's. So anyway I noticed these days that I keep on isolating myself and I hate how people have been whacking that on to me. Don't answer that. I mean don't even bother to ask. Because for all you know, neither do I know why. But yes it feels good at times. Also I am being successful in solving this jigsaw puzzle and I know sooner or later I'll be able to figure this picture out. Lastly, I am planning to donate blood before I turn 18. Is that even allowed? I really hope so.

"You Should Date an Illiterate Girl"

By Charles Warnke (Jan. 19, 2011)

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Do those things, god damnit, because nothing sucks worse than a girl who reads. Do it, I say, because a life in purgatory is better than a life in hell. Do it, because a girl who reads possesses a vocabulary that can describe that amorphous discontent as a life unfulfilled—a vocabulary that parses the innate beauty of the world and makes it an accessible necessity instead of an alien wonder. A girl who reads lays claim to a vocabulary that distinguishes between the specious and soulless rhetoric of someone who cannot love her, and the inarticulate desperation of someone who loves her too much. A vocabulary, god damnit, that makes my vacuous sophistry a cheap trick.

Do it, because a girl who reads understands syntax. Literature has taught her that moments of tenderness come in sporadic but knowable intervals. A girl who reads knows that life is not planar; she knows, and rightly demands, that the ebb comes along with the flow of disappointment. A girl who has read up on her syntax senses the irregular pauses—the hesitation of breath—endemic to a lie. A girl who reads perceives the difference between a parenthetical moment of anger and the entrenched habits of someone whose bitter cynicism will run on, run on well past any point of reason, or purpose, run on far after she has packed a suitcase and said a reluctant goodbye and she has decided that I am an ellipsis and not a period and run on and run on. Syntax that knows the rhythm and cadence of a life well lived.

Date a girl who doesn’t read because the girl who reads knows the importance of plot. She can trace out the demarcations of a prologue and the sharp ridges of a climax. She feels them in her skin. The girl who reads will be patient with an intermission and expedite a denouement. But of all things, the girl who reads knows most the ineluctable significance of an end. She is comfortable with them. She has bid farewell to a thousand heroes with only a twinge of sadness.

Don’t date a girl who reads because girls who read are the storytellers. You with the Joyce, you with the Nabokov, you with the Woolf. You there in the library, on the platform of the metro, you in the corner of the café, you in the window of your room. You, who make my life so god damned difficult. The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold. You, the girl who reads, make me want to be everything that I am not. But I am weak and I will fail you, because you have dreamed, properly, of someone who is better than I am. You will not accept the life that I told of at the beginning of this piece. You will accept nothing less than passion, and perfection, and a life worthy of being storied. So out with you, girl who reads. Take the next southbound train and take your Hemingway with you. I hate you. I really, really, really hate you.

Ang mga Kaibigan ni Mama Susan

By Bob Ong

Binili ko 'tong libro na 'to nung Biyernes dahil wala lang. Kanina ko lang natapos pero sobrang hindi ko agad nagets 'yung point. Pero okay lang, ayoko nang panghinayangan yung P150 ko (P75 dahil hati kami ng Ate ko). At isa-suggest ko parin na basahin niyo. Hehe

Masasabi ko namang maganda 'yung tema at marami namang aral na makukuha. Nakakatuwa nga eh, tingin ko talaga dapat basahin 'to ng mga kabataan ngayon. Merong dalawang punto akong gustong ishare. 

Una, 'yung pananampalataya daw ng mga Katoliko.

"Mama, tinatanong po ni Kuya Galo kung Katoliko kayo."

Nanlamig ako sa tinanong ni Niko. Kung abot ko sya, talagang tinapalan ko ng kamay ang bibig nya. Napatigil tuloy si Lola sa pagkain.

"Nagsusuot ng kahit anong klase ng damit sa dalanginan, nakikipagkwentuhan at dumarating sa kalagitnaan ng pagsamba, nananalangin kung kailan lang kailangan ng tulong?"  matalas ang tingin sa 'kin ni Lola. "Hindi ako Katoliko."

Pangalawa, ang pagkahumaling ng tao sa teknolohiya.

"Yan ba ang pinag-aaralan mo sa Maynila?" nakatingin sya sa t-shirt kong may picture ng computer keyboard. Hindi pa 'ko nakakasagot, nagpatuloy na sya: "Kaya mabuhay ng tao ng walang ganyan." Nginitian nya ulit ang mga bata, tumango naman yung magkapatid bilang pagsang-ayon kahit hindi naman nila naintindihan yung sinabi ni Lola. "Gaano ba katagal ang buhay niyan bago palitan dahil iba na naman ang uso?" Malumanay pa rin magkwento si Lola at maganda ang ngiti kahit nangangaral. "Walang tigil ang tao sa paggamit ng enerhiya. Lahat ng maaaring pagkagastusan ng kuryente, gagawin nila. Nabubuhay sila sa sistema ng pag-aani ng mga kayamanan ng mundo upang gawing lason at basura."
(Nakakatakot 'to kasi may sinabi pang parang end of the world.)

Anyway, totoo nga naman diba? Medyo hindi ako tinamaan diyan dahil wala naman kaming pambili ng mga makabagong gadgets. Mabubuhay naman talaga tayo ng wala yang mga yan. Pinapadali nga nito ang mga bagay bagay. Pero bakit nga ba kailangan nating magmadali? Bukas makalawa baka madapa lang tayo. 

The Freedom of Simplicity

By Bo Sanchez

Happiness is not found outside of you.  It doesn't come from cars, clothes, cash, or Caribbean cruises.  Happiness is found within.  But how can you find it if you don't have the simplicity of time and space to discover the most important things in your life?  How can you search the depths of your soul if you are too busy impressing others, acquiring wealth, protecting your properties, and paying your debts?  Simplicity is not about the external either: living in a doghouse, eating in Hepatitisjoints, wearing rags.

Let me define what it is: Simplicity is living from the core of your being.  - A TREASURE MAP OF HAPPINESS -  Simplicity will point to you where and what and who the gold is in your life.  Let me share with you the seven powerful lessons I've learned on simple living:
1. LIVE ON LESS, AND DELIGHT IN THEM MORE
Some take their pleasure dining in classy restaurants, trips to Europe, and owning the latest home theatre-equipment.  I've chosen the simple path: If I can simply be with my wife, or take a quiet stroll under a canopy of stars, or play with a child, or read a good book in my home, or laugh with friends over a pizza, I consider myself richly blessed.  Focus on what you have and not on what you don't have.
2. RUNNING AND WALK INSTEAD
Here's the truth: The person who has covered the greatest distance does NOT win, but the one who has most enjoyed the journey does.  Stop running around chasing your own tail!  Get off your hurried pace and learn to breathe.  Replace doing with being.  Learn to say no to invitations, appointments, and commitments, activities and events that will rob you of your focus.  Learn to say "yes "to rest, to tranquility, to quietness.
3. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WEALTH
I own very few things today.  Because I am more than the brand of my watch, the logo of my shoes, the name of my car.  I believe that if in my soul I deeply respect and value myself, people around me will sense that, and they too, will value and respect me-whether I'm wearing Armani or not.  You are more than your wealth.
4. AVOID BUYING ON CREDIT
I don't believe in borrowing from credit cards.  (For convenience, I use one card but I pay the whole amount at the end of each month.)  If I need something really bad, I save up for it.  Sometimes, at midpoint, I realize I don't really need the darn thing and give up the whole idea.  The only exception I feel we should enter into a credit is when buying a non-depreciating item, such as housing or land.  I believe we should always live within our earning capacity.
5. GIVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN
If I content myself with P250 shirt instead of P4,000 Lacoste, I can help others more. Trust me, there is immense pleasure!   You will find that the empty thrill of owning a diamond ring on your finger pales in comparison to the joy of handling a piece of bread to an orphan child.
6. SAVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN
Saving is essential to being good stewards of the money that God "lends" to us.  Saving is an important way of providing for our future-both for our needs and to be generous to others. I recommend that you save at least 10% of your income. I can almost hear you now: "Bo, that's impossible!" Oh yeah?  Well, how did you live three years back when your salary was one-half its present amount?  Sacrifice. Many of our needs are actually wants.  Is cable TV a need? Will you suddenly die if you can't watch CNN or HBO?  Are those new golf clubs essential to your existence?  Invest in time deposits, long-term stocks and housing.
7. BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET
Make a list of all your monthly expenses, according to categories.  Make also a list of irregular expenses-those that don't come monthly.  Set up another savings account for these expenses and put in a little money each month. To differentiate this from the savings account, we call ours "freedom account" because it frees us from worrying about them when they suddenly attack.  And stick to your budget!

ONE LAST WORD BEFORE WE CLOSE

Balance.

Don't take living simply to the extremes!  Living simply doesn't mean living in deprivation.  There are special days when my wife and I eat in a fancy restaurant or when we splurge into a vacation.  Very rare, yes, but my point is that you take living simply NOT as a rigid goal-but as a happy process towards the goals of generosity, inner peace and holiness.


P.S. 
So I came across this as I was browsing through piles of unread messages in my email. Anyway, my family is such a fan of Bo Sanchez. I remember my parents always bringing home some books and magazines authored by Bo. I am so lucky to be one of the people constantly inspired by his words for the soul. 

Something for you.

After all, life can never be easy. Ever.

This is me again, stranded. Uncertain, no concrete plans and doubtful. I wonder if I'm the only one who struggles myself with where I really am today. And where will I be going years from now. It always seemed that I'm a complete stranger to myself. When I was a senior high school and was asked to submit a paper for the year book data, I didn't know how to fill in the blank of that last question. In the future, I'd want to be a/an ____? I was so young then and never had any idea what's out there. My childhood dream was to be a teacher mainly because I enjoy checking papers and using the chalk. So after goofing around asking my classmates what they'd put in, I wrote doctor all of a sudden. What I thought of then was that I'd love to know the mystery behind our body that makes it possible of doing its processes in such an organized and amazing manner. It's been two years now and I am here in the middle of the process of making that happen. Faced by trials, deadlines, pressure, frustrations and self-denial I am still capable of doing my part on the carbon cycle. I have to admit that this agony of who I am, where I'll be going, is always present. Moving around my mind and eating spaces which are supposedly for cell biology and genetics shits. I believe though that there is a reason why I am here. Why I passed in this course and not in communication arts or education in the first place. Maybe it just lacks clarity for now. But time would come that I will understand. Imagining all these things about me, I can say that I am happy.

Before you sleep you stare at the ceiling and think of the people you love

ONE Everyone's looking for the right...
I'm being so not articulate this past few days that I lost interest in writing out what's been up on me yo. Another term has closed its door and finally gave me the Christmas-scented rest I've been longing for since the start of what people call, in such a funny way, "-ber" months. The past three months had been so good to me. I get enough hours of sleep almost everyday and I've been being active in my spontaneous jogging. I also had more time spent at the library studying and texting okay. I've been dying to see Nanay already. I dreamt of her twice and cried twice realizing how much I've been missing her. We never get to talk when I have school. So yeah.


TWO Nanay's favorite channel...
I had been in a really bittersweet mood all week. After finals of course we had to grant ourselves some hip and fun get together at Enchanted Kingdom again last Thursday haha! Sadly, Nica had to leave for the states and stay there for good but I hate to call it a goodbye. We slept over Pat's condo and went crazy all night. We prepared a small surprise children's party for Kim and Celina's birthdays. I just loved the Dora party hats and the balloons! Pat gave me a diary planner for Christmas which gave me a reason to stop collecting Starbucks stickers already. Danyuhl gave me a TeamManila wallet/purse which I started using the day after. Hehe. Sure, that wasn't the last time we're doing that. Two of my friends are together now. I'm just so happy for them. I don't really care how long the guy has courted before she gave him a yes. For me it doesn't really matter. He tells her he likes her and she also likes him then why damn wait for two years or so? Right? Right.


THREE My lucky number
It was my first time in UP Diliman last Friday. My friends there invited me to watch their fabulous lantern parade. I just love the atmosphere there! But seriously, La Salle's facilities are way better than theirs. Haha it's funny when a particular group in the parade gave away condoms showing their support for the RH Bill. Lol, I wanted to get one but I didn't cave in. And after that I went to UST's Paskuhan. I saw Ely Buendia for the first time and my dearest Up Dharma Down. Along with other bands, they rocked the whole house til midnight. I went home in the mornin and gave myself a decent sleep. I wanted to try the Rockband thing. It's been long since I laughed my ass off that hard with Emil, Myan, Bea, Rujie, Darvette and Rahjie. What an epic weekend.


FOUR My blockmates' wish for Christmas
Online release of grades have been pushing me up the wall and I've been dreaming in partial derivatives.

Glow

This is what I see on our window. Something calm and nice. Thanks to my neighbor!

Pizzazz

What I'm going to share now is a little something about my art class. It's been so amazing since the beginning and it probably became my outlet this term where I get to do something out of academics. But not necessarily the subject where I rarely have to do papers and all. Sure it's boring whenever there are discussions and the teacher just speaks unclearly in class and then you get to do some sort of a group work afterwards with people who barely say a word. It's just that it made me do something that I do not usually do like drawing. I think the highlight here is the exhibit that I really enjoyed preparing for. As a member of the curator team, I was tasked to label some artworks which will be exhibited on Friday! Hello that's something!

Renz Kristofer Cheng

A serene one

          This photograph is the artist’s representation of nature’s often neglected beauty and grandeur. It seeks to imply the magic within God’s every creation. What comes along with it is a wish of getting appreciation and concern for the environment from its people. The details from the artist’s every stroke create a dazzling, enchanting effect and make this art work uniquely magnificent. Just like how a kaleidoscope allows the viewer to witness the splendor among different objects, this image invites us to transform our perceptions of things into something exquisitely unusual.

Jamila Barra and Angeline Qui

*TITLE*

            This is an adaptation of Ramon Valera’s (National Artist for Visual Arts) fashion technique. Inspired by Valera’s remarkable terno creations, the designers wanted to give a hint of modern style by making this piece a little revealing hence the backless style. Exaggeration of the sleeve embroidery is also one important component that affiliates it to the well-known baro’t saya with similarly bell-shaped sleeves of the early Filipino women. Fashion will never be in vain because clothes are always necessary. It now offers you its glamour and a little scent of Filipino flavor.

P.S. Pizzazz - the quality of being exciting or attractive
P.P.S Can you smell it? Everybody counts down!

She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday

The Un-Official Bruno Mars Video Project. from Vinoth Varatharajan on Vimeo.

I'm starting to not care. I mean, in a good way. When you have friends and they talk about something and you're clueless about it. Then they'll laugh or blab some more. Then you'll smile like a dog and look like some sort of a seemingly curious idiot. Being out of place is always awkward but I think I've been learning the art of dealing with it. Not that I'm making a big deal out of it. It's just that I want to recognize the changes I've been in these days. For one, that is. Another thing is being a loner lol. I don't really care if I've got no one to spend time with in the coffee shop, or eat dinner with, go to the mall with etc. I can go to the library alone when I feel like. In fact I'd even prefer that. Or can even go to the wash room without asking anyone to go with me. I don't know if there's anything odd with that. But I do have friends and I do love them. Perhaps it's just a matter of balance of knowing which one will work best for a certain situation -- do it alone or do it together. And a matter of independence knowing that you can stand on your own. I'm such a vague arse. Trust me, I'm so weird. Heh.